The most random things will make me want to cry.  For example, my boss just took two new sales reps around to meet all of the customer service reps, and she told them I’ve been here almost a year and have just been amazing and that they’ll be sitting in my cube at some point while they’re here training.  Obviously that’s a flattering thing for your boss to say, and I just want to text Matt to tell him about it.  He would be pleased for me. 

But I can’t…so I guess I’m telling all you people so that you can be pleased for me, too.  It’s a whole lot better than nothing, after all.  🙂 

I want to go to Target after work.  I’ve bought new clothes lately though, and even though I could use some stuff like a new broom, cat treats, and some Tums, I feel like I shouldn’t be spending money.  Annoying.  Maybe I’ll just stay home and work on a new quilt or something.  I need to keep going on that feather quilt.  Maybe I’ll do that.  I guess we’ll see.  I used to like being single because it meant that I could do whatever I wanted to, and whenever.  Now it just makes me sad.  I have to fill out a new life insurance beneficiary form and I have no idea who to list.  No idea.  I don’t like any of this. 

Well, actually, I am still glad that Matt isn’t suffering anymore.  I guess I like that.  It takes a whole lot of unselfishness to say that. 

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

3 thoughts on “”

  1. I am pleased for you Erin. You always were competent and dependable so I can see why the higher-ups take note of you. Praying that God reveals His purposes for your life…


  2. I am proud of you – you are an extraordinarily good worker and should be very pleased with yourself.
    I’m sadly glad Matt’s not suffering anymore, too. And he really was suffering, so much. He has peace now. Now you have to create the rest of your peace. And you will. Be patient with yourself.


  3. Awe, I am definitely proud of you! I remember how big of a change it was to leave B&C. Now, you’re great at this job too!

    BTW, I don’t even go window shopping at Target. It’s too dangerous of a place to go into. I have heard it compared to casinos in that you lose track of time and money, which in my case is VERY true.


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