some Tuesday morning thoughts

Mornings are still the hardest, as a general rule.  I used to like mornings fairly well too.  Maybe it gets easier as the day wears on because I get more distracted, or I get better at accepting my life as it is.  At any rate, I miss Matt a lot this morning. 

I suspect that I’m going to be the last person to be able to get on with my life (which isn’t really a good way to put it since the act of surviving suicide is simply LIVING – so in a sense I have been getting on with my life since Matt died).  Basically though, I was the person with whom Matt shared his life, and I’m still reeling.  I’m not going to apologize for it either, but I will probably feel weird bringing it up when everyone else has come to terms with it.  I don’t really have anything else to say on the topic…but am just thinking about it. 

I’m noticing all the grief in the world lately.  It’s always been there – I just couldn’t relate before. 

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

2 thoughts on “some Tuesday morning thoughts”

  1. For what it’s worth, I’m here to talk about it. I won’t get sick of hearing from you, either.My loss is nothing compared to yours, but you and Matt were such a big part of my life, I’m still reeling, too.


  2. I agree with Mar- I will never, ever stop listening and hearing every word you decide to speak to me no matter what it’s about. It will never be weird to talk about Matt.


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