Six weeks now.

Six weeks sounds a lot shorter to me than it feels. These have been the longest 42 days of my life. Does anyone else feel this way, or is it just me? I feel like it’s been months and months since I kissed Matt for the last time.

I still feel lost, but maybe not quite as lost – at least not all of the time. I hate hate HATE all of this but I’m still hanging on and not giving up. It’s a constant fight and I do feel bitter towards Matt sometimes for making me go through this. But I can’t stay mad at him for long. I never could.

Published by


I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

5 thoughts on “Six weeks now.”

    1. I’ve read that that’s common, but I think it’s been more dreadfully real to me since he just isn’t here. If he was alive, he would be. I haven’t been able to entertain much denial.


  1. Hey, Erin. I just wanted to let you know that I mailed off a package to you this afternoon, but I accidentally forgot to include the card I bought. I remember specifically thinking that I needed to remember to stick the card in the box before sealing it, then proceeded to seal the box without sticking the card in. I really want to blame it on my pregnant brain, but I’m sure it was just me being silly. Anyway, there’s just a few things in there to cheer you up. Don’t expect too much, but I hope you like them just the same. Love you.


  2. Now, it’s been almost four months, and I still can’t believe it. Like, sometimes when we hang out… I feel like he should be coming in any second, or I’ll think of something I should tell Matt during our conversations.

    The bitterness thing I can relate to. Except it’s probably more anger for me. That’s the biggest thing that’s different about us I suppose. I am furious at Clay most of the time. The love and heart ache are often clouded by extreme anger. It’s hard to see him for the person that I loved because he did these horrible things.

    Also, I couldn’t imagine staying mad at Matt long either.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s