Six weeks now.

Six weeks sounds a lot shorter to me than it feels. These have been the longest 42 days of my life. Does anyone else feel this way, or is it just me? I feel like it’s been months and months since I kissed Matt for the last time.

I still feel lost, but maybe not quite as lost – at least not all of the time. I hate hate HATE all of this but I’m still hanging on and not giving up. It’s a constant fight and I do feel bitter towards Matt sometimes for making me go through this. But I can’t stay mad at him for long. I never could.

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erinreeve

I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes. View all posts by erinreeve

5 thoughts on “Six weeks now.”

Rena says:

April 4, 2013 at 9:46 am

I still have trouble believing he’s really gone.

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1. erinreeve says:
  
  April 4, 2013 at 10:33 am
  
  I’ve read that that’s common, but I think it’s been more dreadfully real to me since he just isn’t here. If he was alive, he would be. I haven’t been able to entertain much denial.
  
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whatwhileweslept says:

April 4, 2013 at 12:57 pm

I know part of this has to do with school, for me, but it feels like it’s been about three weeks.

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vannylowery says:

April 4, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Hey, Erin. I just wanted to let you know that I mailed off a package to you this afternoon, but I accidentally forgot to include the card I bought. I remember specifically thinking that I needed to remember to stick the card in the box before sealing it, then proceeded to seal the box without sticking the card in. I really want to blame it on my pregnant brain, but I’m sure it was just me being silly. Anyway, there’s just a few things in there to cheer you up. Don’t expect too much, but I hope you like them just the same. Love you.

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Katie says:

June 15, 2013 at 8:41 am

Now, it’s been almost four months, and I still can’t believe it. Like, sometimes when we hang out… I feel like he should be coming in any second, or I’ll think of something I should tell Matt during our conversations.

The bitterness thing I can relate to. Except it’s probably more anger for me. That’s the biggest thing that’s different about us I suppose. I am furious at Clay most of the time. The love and heart ache are often clouded by extreme anger. It’s hard to see him for the person that I loved because he did these horrible things.

Also, I couldn’t imagine staying mad at Matt long either.

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