Here’s what I did yesterday.

I got up and took a shower and went to work.

I went to appointment #2 with my therapist. We talked, she read my journal entries since last week, and she told me that she really thinks I’m doing just as well as I can be and that I am amazing. It’s nice to hear that from a professional who knows a whole lot more about psychology than I do. I left feeling relatively good.

I went home after work, started a load of laundry, changed into some jeans, gave the cats some treats, and then went to Kien Giang with Ryan and Cathy.

After dinner (which was good), we went to McKays where I totally splurged and bought the Sex and the City box set for way too much money (but a lot less than I have almost paid for it several times at Target…). I also got a book by A M Homes, This Book Will Save Your Life, and Ryan got me a copy of Childhood’s end by Arthur C Clarke.

After McKays, dropped Cathy off at her car and then Ryan off at his car, and went home. Read some poetry. Cried. Looked at Reddit. Put my clothes in the dryer and then folded them. Watched some TV. Went to sleep.

All in all, it was not a bad day. I had a good time with Cathy and Ryan, and my meeting with my therapist was somewhat gratifying. I’m realizing and remembering that my life is going to be full of missing Matt for a long time/forever, but that doesn’t have to stop me from enjoying things. Missing him all the time certainly makes it harder for me to have a good time, but his absence does not preclude my pleasure. Not necessarily, anyway. Life comes before death. I am still alive, regardless of my feelings on the subject.

I am continuing to be amazed by the poems in Without. I might share some more – or at least stanzas – at some point.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

One thought on “TGIF…”

  1. This sounds like a wonderful day! And you’re right about not letting the sadness stop the happiness. It’s hard but I believe there’s room for all the emotions we have. Also, SATC is always worth the splurge!


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