a jot —

just to say that I’m feeling really sad tonight, and I don’t have anyone to tell. it’s 11pm and there’s nothing to do but go to sleep.

not sure why it’s been a bad day, but I just finished a book by Ann Patchett about a beautiful friendship she had that lasted two decades before the friend OD’d and died. I read the last several chapters tonight and finished it maybe an hour ago. it was beautiful, and so sad. I’m sure it must have been excruciating to write at times, because 99% of the book focused on their friendship.

just makes me sad. my husband is gone…left me, essentially – though I know he didn’t see it that way. it’s hard to be understanding all the time…I’ve spent so much energy over the last year being understanding, and here I am now. forced to remember that Matt had an invisible disease that took his life.

I’m just so sad and lonely right now. I’m going to put on some dumb TV comedy to distract myself so that I can fall asleep.

I’ll feel better tomorrow. (but Matt’s never coming back.) here’s how people deal with this kind of grief — they just do. they don’t die.

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