This evening

I get off work in 30 minutes and have been trying to think of something that I can do tonight that will help me feel better.  I think I’m going to straighten up around the house, then take a bath (ahhhh), then put on Babette’s Feast and do some crafting and/or drawing.  Sounds like a pleasant-enough evening, eh?  It makes me sad that Matt won’t be around for any of it (except as he is inside of me, which I’m struggling to understand and actualize… I guess).  But he won’t be there, and I’ll be alright without him.  It hurts me to say so, but it’s the bittersweet truth.  (More bitter right now but the sweet will come, I’m trusting.)

In other news, I can cross my legs under my desk now.  And I can buckle my belt a notch tighter.  Talk about bittersweet.

Thanks to those of you who have upped the comments here – it makes me feel good to have feedback, even if it’s just one line. 

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

4 thoughts on “This evening”

  1. Sometimes I read what you say, and in my heart/mind I think how good it is–how good that you are saying how you feel, and how often it is that what you’re feeling is right and normal. But…I don’t usually have words for it. I wish you could just see me reading, feel me hugging you.


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