Monday, woo hoo!

There is some sarcasm in that subject line, BTW.

For that matter, there’s some sarcasm in that first line there.  But at any rate, it’s Monday, again, and I’m at work.  Again.  I never noticed what a drag this really is before.  Or rather, I did notice, but I always had something better to look forward to once I got home. 

The idea of trying to build a new life out of this is so daunting.  This is going to be the hardest thing that I have ever done.  I don’t like reaching out to people – it takes me way outside of my comfort zone.  I know that reaching out is good for you, blah blah blah…I guess I expect people to let me down on some level, and that’s probably at least one reason that I’m hesitant to reach out to new people (or even people I already kind of know).  Hell, Matt let me down.  I know he didn’t mean to and didn’t want to, but he still completely did.  But people will do that, and I’ve certainly let people down before, and I need to learn how to accept that possibility without letting it handicap me socially.

The problem which is nagging me in the back of my head (now matter how much I try to ignore it) is that I was SO HAPPY in my little world with Matt.  If we spent time with people, it was typically just people who we were comfortable around.  If we had to meet new people, at least we were there to help and encourage each other.  Now I have to go back to doing it all on my own.  That sounds a little melodramatic, I know, but really no one should be juding me for being dramatic right now (including myself). 

Ohhhh…..siggghhhhhhh…..I don’t want to do any of this shit. 

But I have to.

So does anyone want to hang out with me tonight? 

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

3 thoughts on “Monday, woo hoo!”

  1. I do! You suck at reaching out, I suck at reaching out, but yeah.
    You want to come over for beans and rice? If not today, tomorrow. The next day. Any of the days.
    This is Mar, btw. I signed up JUST so I could leave comments on your blog.


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