Sunday night

I have to go back to work tomorrow, and start “getting on with” my life. I know I have to – there’s no use denying it. I can’t pay bills otherwise. But…it’s almost like…as much as your spouse is your better half – so to speak – it feels wrong to go on without Matt. I know I have to, because he’s never coming back, but it’s still to wrong.

But I can’t do anything about it except just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I guess that’s good for me.

(Edit – I wrote the above last night but never posted it. I’m at work now and it’s been so depressing. I keep wanting to text Matt to tell him everything. I feel so empty and unmotivated to do anything but sleep, basically. Obviously I’m at work and not asleep, but that’s just because I need to be able to pay bills.)

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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