First day back at work

To end the day’s blogging on a somewhat less depressing note, I’ll add that after work (which was depressing as hell despite everyone being glad to see me back and being very nice to me) I met Amy for dinner.  Even though there really isn’t anything you can say that’s going to make me feel better (seriously, I’ve already thought of most of the positive things in this situation and they aren’t really helping my mood yet), it does feel good when people express their love for me in outward manifestations.  Such as wanting to have dinner with me.  The hard part is making myself actually GO to dinner, in this example (this has always been a struggle).  It’s easier for me to lye around feeling sorry for myself, but THAT doesn’t make me feel better – at least not yet.

I’m alone at home right now.  I’ll probably be sleeping here by myself tonight too.  It will be the first time since Matt died, but it’s something that I’ve had to do many nights over this last year.  I don’t know if all of that helped emotionally prepare me for any of this, but I can tell that it at least helped prepare me mentally.  But yeah, that’s certainly no consolation right now.  Just an observation I guess.

And I’ll close with this picture of Matt’s amazing hair.


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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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