Back in Nashville

At “home” which is just a lonely, empty house (except for the cats). I have loved this house so much, but everything is so completely wrong without Matt. I had to sit here for 5 minutes saying over and over, “He’s never coming back” pretty much immediately after walking in the door. When they say you have to take this an hour at a time, they’re not kidding. I go from sobbing to feeling like cleaning up to zoning out in front of the TV to wanting to draw back to sobbing. It’s very unstable and I hate it. But … it is what it is. I can’t do anything else about it.

Right now I’m lying on the couch with the TV and cats making background noise. Bitey wants to go outside. I should be taking a nap instead of writing this since we left at 9 last night and drove all night.

And this is what is directly in front of me. I almost want to take them down. Did you guys like these btw?



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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

5 thoughts on “Back in Nashville”

  1. Yeah, they’re totally great. what do they signify, for you? happy memories? or are they reminders that all is changed?


    1. Happy memories I suppose…. When I drew them initially, I think I just wanted to make sure Matt’s face would still be around, even if it makes me miss him more.


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