another one?!

At this rate, I’m going to have nothing to say tomorrow.

I don’t know why I’ve felt the need to write so much this week. I guess maybe my brain has been throwing me off this week and writing helps me to organize and understand.

They’re having some electrical work done in the office, and today I saw one of the electricians doing exactly what Matt used to do – standing on top of a ladder and moving his body around to fit into the hole in the ceiling while being able to reach the wires he was pulling through. Not a big deal – just some guy doing his job. But it’s little things like this that I’m not prepared for – they feel like a stab through the heart, or something equally painful and unappealing. I don’t like having to hide the way I feel.

After 6 months (7 months on Saturday), I had hoped that things would be better. And they are…….but they aren’t THAT much better. Lately, all I want to do is be with people who knew and loved Matt. I haven’t been reaching out to any of them though, so I’ve been mostly hanging out at home instead. I don’t know that being around people who loved Matt would help anyway, since what I REALLY want is Matt. *sigh*

My anniversary is in 13 days. The holidays are coming up. Can I please just fast-foward through the next 5 months?

Published by


I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

2 thoughts on “another one?!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s