Yesterday was not a happy day. I spent all day thinking about Matt – I exchanged several messages with Dawn (who I’ve mentioned here before – one of Matt’s oldest friends) which was really good but they were not happy messages. I’m glad that we could email so much because we both had stuff that we needed to get off of our chests, and it’s comforting for me to know that Dawn has in no way gotten over this yet (either). I’m sure lots of people haven’t, but no one else is talking to me about it, I guess.

You know, since Matt died, I have felt so much more free with regards to talking about my feelings and emotions, and I have felt more compelled than ever to make sure that people know that I love and appreciate them.

Anyway, on top of emailing Dawn yesterday I also commented on something on Reddit which ended up getting over 600 upvotes (definitely the best I’ve ever received).

So yeah. My productivity level has not increased much this week (yesterday was bad, like I said, and I used up a ton of Kleenex once I got home from work). I HAVE been making an effort to go to sleep on time, which improves my mood in the mornings. So that’s good. Also I haven’t been eating out quite as much. I need to start cooking at home again though – and not just frozen pizzas.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

3 thoughts on “30”

  1. I am not AT ALL surprised that you and your words would be comforting to others who are going through what you’d had to suffer. It’s nice to read all the honest and kind words you said on reddit. Your loss has not destroyed you. I hope it is not insensitive to say that you have allowed the losses you’ve had to shape you into something very good.


  2. Really wonderful, Erin. I have so many friends who ask me, from time to time, how you’re doing—whatever that means—and posts & comments like this help me think about that question better. You’re doing good. (I.e., not “well” [though that may be true]—adverb—but good, as in good things. That’s so powerful. Your life is still fruitful, and large.


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