It’s been one of those weeks. Actually, last week was a little like this, too. For whatever reason (I think there are several at play) Matt keeps popping into my head; I’ll be driving along and suddenly – without seeming provocation – I miss him dreadfully. Or I’ll be sitting at my desk at work. Or hanging out with friends.
One reason that I’ve been more depressed this week is that I haven’t been forcing myself to be productive as much. Lazy as I am, productivity inevitably makes me feel better. I know, I shouldn’t be so lazy. But it’s so hard to make myself do stuff sometimes….
I really, really, really fucking miss Matt. It’s been over six months but I am not a whole person again yet – or at least I sure don’t feel like it. I know healing takes a long time…and I’m starting to be able to attest to that personally.
I could probably write more, but it wouldn’t be positive and I try not to be too negative at work.