I don’t have a ton to say. Like I said yesterday, it’s been a pretty decent week and I’m actually looking forward to the weekend. It’s saddenning on the one hand, and heartening on the other, to see how resilient people can be. As much as I didn’t think I would ever look forward to another weekend again – and I didn’t WANT to since Matt wouldn’t be around…I decided that I wanted to stay alive and try to enjoy life, and that’s what’s happening. As enormously as I still miss Matt, he’s just never coming back and I’m being able to find comfort and love through other avenues. It’s so damned bittersweet.
The Spurs lost game 7 last night, which is just as well. I didn’t care that much either way, but it was going to hurt just a little if they had won the championship. I remember how upset Matt was last year when they lost in the playoffs, which he was able to watch in the psych hospital.
Come to think of it, this time last year he still had about a week left before they discharged him – the 26th or 27th? Seems like I should remember that. I hope I never have to go into the Vandy psych hospital again.
I’ve done a pretty decent job of juggling alone time with social time this week, and it’s felt pretty good. I’m glad that I’m not in the same place I was the last time I was single though – I feel like I’m a much, much better person these days…or at least more grounded and sure of myself. There’s something liberating about realizing, as the Tao says, that caring about other people’s opinions make you their prisoner. Doesn’t mean that I can snap and stop caring, but nevertheless I see the truth in it. Life is too short to willingly imprison yourself.
One thought on “and it’s been 4 months now”
This is great. Congratulations on making a good life. I admire you. (Wishing there was a punctuation mark between an exclamation point and a period—denoting more gladness than a period, but more soberness than an exclamation point. Something profound, with a note of joy.)