In lieu of texting Matt

Since I can’t text Matt to tell him how immensely I’m missing him, I’m writing it here. 

One of my favorite things EVER was to get home after an unpleasant day at work (or any day at work for that matter) and snuggle on the couch with Matt.  I’ve caught myself trying to look forward to that a couple of times this morning.  It’s so very disappointing to realize that the reason I’m looking forward to being home is because Matt will be there.  Because he won’t be there. 

Oh fuck, I miss him so much.  My cognative mind knows that I’ll be OK eventually.  But that doesn’t really translate into helping me feel better at the moment at all. 

I’m going to have to learn to live in a completely different way.  I’ve been single before – plenty of experience there – but it’s horrible to be forced into this against my will. 

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One thought on “In lieu of texting Matt

  1. Catching up on your blogs has once again brought tears. It seems so strange to read your words and feel the grief as though I were there. I am putting arms around you in my mind and saying to you that I love you and and want to take away the pain and bring Matt back. I hope today that you can take another step toward recovery or healing. Love you.

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