two weeks

My husband gets discharged tomorrow. He’s been in there two weeks and will be getting ECT round 3 treatment 5 tomorrow.

I’m glad he’ll be coming home soon. But I’m scared too. What if he’s still just lying??? I mean, I don’t think he is, but I didn’t think he was all last month either. I just don’t know.

But I guess this is choosing to trust him again, because I’m not giving up. I suppose I should say that I’m choosing to act like I trust him, in the hopes that real trust will develop again. So we’ll see.

I’m still scared, though.

I wrote him a whole letter today basically asking him to honestly give therapy another shot, and trying to state the reasons I think that he should. Im going to ask him about it tomorrow. I need to stop being hesitant to talk about this kind of thing with him in person…we’re both pretty non-confrontational and that really doesn’t work so well for resolving issues.

We’ll see what happens. Going forward hopefully, if cautiously and alertly.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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