one week

Another whole week gone. And at least a week – probably more like ten to fourteen days is more like – to go.

I’m so sad tonight.

I called to get some counseling referrals but haven’t called to make an appointment yet. When it comes down to it, I think I do feel like going to see a therapist is a little weak and self-involved. I know, it’s silly. But I couldn’t bring myself to call yesterday at lunch, staring at the list of names.

But I need to see someone. I need advise (council) from a trained professional. I don’t know what I’m doing at all, or how to tell what’s best for me to do. I’m also, I think, afraid that whoever I see will judge me for staying with him. I just feel like the normal statute of limitations is pretty damned close, and though I don’t want to leave him at all I’m just wary of what people might think. Especially if I was to tell them what he told me standing atop that building at the hospital. I feel like a moron for just wishing I could ignore that, write it off to his drunkenness and deep depression. But … should I put a knife under my side of the bed, just in case? Do I need to be nervous?