Lousy Smarch Weather

I guess it isn’t Smarch yet. But I hate coming up with titles.

I’ve started a new entry every morning so far this week, but keep deleting them because I realize half-way through the first paragraph that I don’t actually have anything to say. I’m giving it another shot this Wednesday morning, though.

Last weekend was simply wonderful. On Friday, I got a massage. Saturday I got up and went to Hidden Lakes – it was a GORGEOUS day for it. I think I’ve mentioned, but solo hiking is the best thing ever.

hidden lakes winter

hidden lakes winter ii

After, I ended up hanging out with Ryan. Oh, also spent a good chunk of time cleaning up the house on Saturday. Sunday was spent mostly luxuriating in the sunshine. It was a lovely weekend.

I think the time change and the sun coming out has made me feel moody the last couple of days, though. The weather change is energizing and exciting, and it makes me remember what it used to feel like to be able to look forward to going home to Matt and hanging out with him all evening. Lovely weather is infinitely more lovely when you’re able to share it with someone you love, and the fact that Matt is gone is hitting home (again). I wish I could stop thinking about him. On the other hand, I wish I never had to stop thinking about him. It’s conflicting.

I was telling someone about Woodland’s (amazing Indian restaurant) and almost started to cry when I remembered how often we used to go there. I haven’t been after giving blood in such a long time. God damn I miss Matt.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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