brainstorming a little

Ever since Matt’s birthday, I haven’t really felt like I’ve had my shit together. I realize that this is all stuff I struggled with even when Matt was alive – things like exercising regularly, cleaning the kitchen regularly, making dinner instead of eating out all the time – etc. But I also know that being able to be on top of this kind of thing does help me to feel better. And when he wasn’t too depressed, it was important to Matt that we be on top of this stuff too.

So…how to go about being more responsible. Hmm.

First thing – I need to clean up. I did actually cook some over the weekend (thawed my last chicken breast, made barbecue sauce, and heated up some veggies). But I, of course, did not clean up. So my kitchen is pretty messy at the moment, which I need to take care of before I bring anything else into it. But second step would be actually going grocery shopping and buying things other than sandwich meat and bread. I really want to start being able to invite people over for dinner too, and having real food around the house is kind of essential to “having people over for dinner”….

Here’s what I did this weekend. I know it’s off-subject, but it’s also the reason that my living room is a wreck. Katie came over on Saturday and we joined half the population of Nashville at TACA. Did not spend much time there because it was soooo packed, and it was hard to get into most of the booths without elbowing your way in. Maybe I should have gone back yesterady when it wasn’t so crowded – but oh well. After TACA we got lunch at Wendell Smith’s, then went back to my house and watched movies and crafted the rest of the afternoon. It was pretty awesome. Then Sunday, I continued the crafting and watching movies until mid-afternoon where I went to hang out with M&M. Then got Fat Mo’s for dinner and watched Breaking Bad until I fell asleep. It was pretty great, guys. Could have been better – I can’t even drive to M&M’s without really missing Matt – but it was good anyway and Matt’s not here so maybe it couldn’t have been better.

Anyway. Have i mentioned the feather quilt that I’ve been working on for like forever? I’m trying to wrap up my own projects so that I can start working on Christmas presents, and sorry – I don’t want to give the feather quilt to anyone for Christmas. Oh right, but actually I’ve decided to make it into a duvet cover instead of a quilt. I finished up all of my pieces, so I just need to sew everything into strips, and then sew the strips together, then sew that to the back of a sheet! It’s going to be great. I’ll post a picture once I’m done. Gonna try to get some dishes done over my lunch break today because I’m anticipating wanting to try to finish it up tonight or tomorrow. This isn’t really going to help with my goal of grocery shopping and deep-cleaning the kitchen, but maybe once I finish it and see how amazing my bedroom looks, I’ll be motivated to clean the rest of the house too!

Well anyway. We’ll see. Oh damn, I just remembered that I’m supposed to hang out with Ryan tonight. Maybe he’ll want to come over and watch TV while I sew….

It makes me feel good to be productive. I bet that has a lot to do with how much I enjoyed this weekend – I just love making things. Plus I finished my book (Xenocide) yesterday…I want to read the next one in the series, but I also really want to read the Foundatin series by Asimov, and the next Bridget Jones book, and White Oleander. UGH! So many books to read. And so many crafts to make. And so much to clean. And here I am, sitting at work writing about all of it. Sure wish I could trade places with Bitey….

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

2 thoughts on “brainstorming a little”

  1. I really like this entry. It’s full of goals and creation. I must be invited over for a dinner party… especially after seeing pics of your vegetarian dinner tonight. So jealous. I am also ridiculously jealous of your amazing craft skills.


  2. Making things is incredible. And a feather quilt sounds really impressive, wow. Dang. I’m probably within about a week of getting my quilt top together. Can’t believe how fast it goes once you finally finish cutting things out.

    You can also invite me to the dinner party. I will bring a cake.


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