some ramblings

I want to be healthy. I want to feel good about myself. I need to stop spending money going out. I should start working out again, even if it’s just taking a walk after I get off work. I would like to lose weight and feel pretty. I’ve been wildly unsuccessful in disciplining myself to exercise on a regular basis, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t give it another shot. I saw an idea on Pinterest – each time you work out, you put a dollar in a jar. After a few months, if you’ve done well, you treat yourself to something nice. I wonder if that would be incentive enough for me. I would need to get some $1 bills for this….

I’d kind of like to go to Beaman Park tonight, but I don’t know if I should do that alone. The trails are usually pretty quiet. I wish Katie lived closer.

Helen gave me two bookshelves yesterday (best mother-in-law EVER) which perfectly match the one already in the bedroom (they’re all from World Market) which is making me even more excited about re-doing my bedroom. I feel like the bed is never going to ship; the estimated delivery date is something like June 5-June 23. Pretty much the whole month of June. But I haven’t started re-organizing or anything yet so I shouldn’t be complaining.

I’m feeling a little sad right now because I just looked through the June edition of Martha Stewart Living, and it’s making me want to throw summer parties and buy a farm and landscape everything and be creative and happy. This was our plan, basically. But no more. I would still love to do those things eventually but I don’t want to do them alone. Funny – as independent as I am, I adored being married to Matt. He had no problem with my independence; I think he liked it actually. I’ve had the fleeting thought that I should have changed my last name when we got married, but that never occurred to me while Matt was still alive. Oh well, it’s not a big deal anyway.

I need some goals and projects to work on. Goal can be to exercise – that’s not hard to assign. I’m still in the middle of the feather quilt that I started during one of Matt’s hospital stays last year, and I like it so I really ought to finish it. I also wonder if I should invest in some nice yarn and work on some crochet projects to sell. That granny square shawl that I made turned out so well.

So tonight I think I’m going to clean up the house, and then either do some laundry or get out my sewing. Or both. Still need to wash dishes from game night on Friday, though there aren’t too many of those. I could probably knock that out on my lunch break. Also need to get some cat litter and change the litter boxes.

Enough rambling for now.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

3 thoughts on “some ramblings”

  1. I know this isn’t news to anyone, but, I felt I should say: Actually writing (or typing/printing) lists of short-term and long-term goals is inspiring. Esp. if the list is taped up somewhere that you won’t see it EVERY day, but still somewhat often. Anyways. I recently got to check something off my “Long-term goals” list, and it was completely euphoric. omg.


  2. I wish I lived closer too, but I don’t mind driving. It’s mainly just having Elliott with me, but it’s nice because he’s getting more independent and needing me a little less (that’s really sad too!). I like the dollar idea too. Except I feel like I deserve things regardless of if I work out….


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