questions, I guess

How is it that I can get off the phone after speaking with a promising account, and just want to crawl under my desk and cry after hanging up? I’m so cheerful and friendly on the phone, and the whole facade felt like it just crashed down after that last call.

Why is it so hard for me to feel stable all the time? Is it because I’m used to feeling stable, and I’m caught off-guard when my emotions don’t seem to want me to control them?

I want to be excited about something. Is it hard for me to get excited about things because I don’t like doing things? Or because I put too strict of a definition on things that “should” excite me? Or because I don’t go looking for excitement?

I want to spend more time in the woods. Wouldn’t it be awesome to spend as much time in the woods as I do in an office? Yep.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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