It’s been a bit since I blogged, I know. Sorry. Has a lot to do with the fact that I don’t have the free time at work that I used to, since I am now self-motivated and always have plenty of people who I could be calling at any given moment. But, writing is good for me, so. This will probably be brief, though.

I haven’t been the greatest lately. I think there are a few factors contributing to my mood of late; one would be the new job. I’ve been doing this for maybe a month now and I’m feeling much more comfortable making these phone calls (at least compared with several weeks ago). I don’t really like it much yet, though. And I can’t tell if I’m any good at it, either. I’m going to give it a few months just to see – but if I’m feeling like this by August or September I might see if I can move back. Selling can be gratifying, but it can also be stressful.

Anyway. Also, Joel has been staying with me the last week or two, and that’s been an adjustment. It’s so easy for me to get used to living alone, and it’s always a little strange when I have to re-adjust to having a roommate. Especially when he’s your brother. (Joel being around also serves as another reminder that Matt isn’t, which I feel should not affect me as strongly as it still sometimes does.)

I’ve also been pretty antisocial lately, which I need to start moderating better. Being antisocial is all well and good as long as I don’t neglect my social needs. Which I do sometimes.

This weekend was interesting. Liesl graduated on Saturday and I drove down to Cleveland TN for that, then to Knoxville for lunch with everyone. I decided to come back home after that because I was just not feeling up to staying another day; yesterday I got up at 9am and hiked the Ridgetop Trail at Beaman Park (4 miles), then came home and straightened the living room/kitchen a bit and ended up spending the afternoon playing Skyrim and baking bread. As far as Sundays go, it wasn’t bad.

I am really needing more fulfillment outside of work right now. And I’m just not quite sure where to look for that. Other people? New hobbies? Reading more?

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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