I was standing in front of Matt’s portrait last night and started crying. It was a new cry though – I wasn’t crying because I was sad that Matt is gone. I was crying because I was sad that life is so futile. We think we’re suck a huge fucking deal, but we aren’t. And Matt will be forgotten. I will be forgotten. Literally almost every single person who has lived, will live, or is alive now, will be forgotten. We will all die, and our bodies will turn back into dust.

I wish I knew what happened to our consciousnesses. Most of the crying was because I believe that they just cease to be.

Published by


I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s