almost November

Had another good weekend (how nice). Saturday was very low-key, and the most productive thing I did all day was wash the dishes — though that does count for a lot. On Sunday I went shopping with Mar; we went to Michael’s, Southern Thrift, Goodwill, and Great Escape – then got lunch at ML Rose and went back to my house to hang out. The shopping was successful and fun; I got a bunch of Halloween stuff at Michael’s, and found a Stanley Kubrick box set at Great Escape for a really good price. Got a few other odds and ends too.

After Mar left, I started reorganizing the kitchen, and so far I’m pleased with the results. I took down the bar that my pots and pans had been hanging from – only because I was trying to de-clutter the room, and having the pots/pans in a cabinet frees up a lot of space above the oven. I was kinda sad, but it’s not like Matt slaved over getting that thing up, so I didn’t feel too bad. It’s my kitchen now anyway.

blog - kitchen

I’m partial to my cutting board display. I found a lid rack at Southern Thrift yesterday, and figured that I could probably use it to hold cutting boards instead – and it works great! Also, I organized one cabinet and it looks great. I doubt that it will ever look this good again. I’ll probably get to the other cabinets tonight…or tomorrow…or next week….

blog - cabinet

My kitchen table is a complete mess, but it shouldn’t be too hard to clean up. Mostly it’s covered with random dishes that I don’t use and need to throw out.

Organizing my kitchen, getting the newspaper, being productive – these things make me feel like a legitimate adult. Thinking about dating makes me feel like I want to be single the rest of my life. I tell myself that Matt and I didn’t click immediately, but…that’s only kind of true. Then I tell myself to shut up and stop thinking about it.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

7 thoughts on “almost November”

  1. You and I have those lovely maple cabinets. People have said to me, “Are you going to paint them?” Sheesh. No, I am not going to paint them. They are beautiful. Yours are, too. The whole kitchen looks really nice and comfortable. By the way, Wanda gave me some dish towels that would match your kitchen (turquoise and orange here and there) and if I didn’t like them so much, I would give them to you.


  2. Maybe one way to make dating easier is to form friendships with guys, and then when you get to know them better and get a better idea of which one might be boyfriend material, try to take the relationship in that direction. It’s sort of like how, when a friend of mine was worried about finding a roommate who wouldn’t be a total douchebag, he picked me because I was a known quantity compared to some random person he might find on Craigslist. Granted, I ended up moving out a few months later, but someone else might have been even worse. Another analogy is that it’s kind of like a temp-to-hire situation in the workplace.

    That lets you possibly avoid the problem of guys just looking for sex, because you know that they’re already interested in you as a friend. Friendship is the foundation of a loving relationship. I had a girlfriend who broke up with me and I told her, “We can still be friends.” We hung out as friends for a week, and then she got back together with me; maybe it helped that she tested to see whether I was serious about being willing to be with her even in that platonic capacity, and I showed that I was. Then we broke up three years later; I would still be her friend if she wanted me to be, but I think she came to view me as a liability due to my many brushes with the law.

    I think it takes some of the stress away to realize that even if the person turns out not to be a good match as a boyfriend, the time invested wasn’t totally wasted because he can go back to being a friend. My sister tries to stay in touch with her ex-boyfriends; given that she’s polyamorous, some of those friendships probably have the potential to go back and forth between being romantic and not, depending on the whims of the parties involved. Having that large pool of guys gives her a lot to choose from.


  3. I guess it depends how you define “friends”; isn’t it pretty easy to make acquaintances? The closer friends are fewer and further between; their numbers have to be more limited. So I guess we all have trouble making those.


    1. Sure, I have plenty of acquaintances at work. Most of them are my parents’ age with kids my age. Making friends has never been easy for me, even when you include acquaintances. I should figure out what I’m doing wrong. I can’t even seem to make friends online, but maybe I’m not aggressive enough.


  4. Heh, that sounds like what my life used to be like. Actually, now I don’t even have a workplace outside my home, so almost all my non-familial interaction is online. It used to bother me, but it’s kinda like that scene in Lawrence of Arabia: “Certainly it hurts. The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.”

    Don’t they have a gaming party meetup or something in your area? I used to meet people at those gatherings, although I didn’t hang out with them outside of game night. Political organizations too are places to meet interesting people. Then of course there are mental hospitals, although insurers kinda frown on that option because it’s rather expensive; plus it can be hard to get out of those places sometimes. They’re kinda like Hotel California that way. Still, you do meet some cool people there.

    There are also enclaves where you can build your whole social life around a certain cause. E.g., Keene, New Hampshire is where people eat and breathe libertarianism, and hang out with their fellow activists all the time. I keep getting invited over there but haven’t figured out how to survive there financially.


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