my life, I guess

I don’t know. The more new people I meet, the more I want to retreat into a hole of safety where the only people I ever talk to are close friends or family. No new people.

Also, I don’t want to date. I thought I did, but as it turns out – I don’t. Fuck that shit. Thankfully I haven’t lost anything other than time on these guys I’ve met.

Basically – the happiest I have EVER been in my LIFE was those years with Matt. Every single year. And I would love to be that happy again! I never would have met Matt if I wasn’t actively looking for something, someone. But there’s so much drama and so many scumbags out there — I don’t even know if it’s worth it for me to look right now. I doubt it.

What should I be spending my time on instead? Obviously, I should be trying to better myself…working out, eating well, reading and studying. These things will make me feel better, even. This stuff is not a waste of time.