It’s been almost 2 weeks now.  He’s scheduled to receive his first ECT treatment tomorrow at some point – I don’t know what time.  This has left me hopeful but somewhat nervous, though I’m trying to focus on the first and dismiss the latter.  No amount of nervousness on my part (or anyone else’s) is going to help – if anything, it could cause harm.  So I’m trying not to imagine the procedure or the worst case scenarios.  I know they exist, and I’m content to leave it at that for now.  If they happen, I’ll deal with things at that point.  

I’m feeling more normal since he is feeling better.  I’m even hopeful that he’ll be able to come home soon — maybe even by the weekend.  I suspect that it will be more like Monday or Wednesday, though.  He’ll have about 3 days of leave left at the beginning of next week, which is also making me nervous since not only would it mean that we’d have to get by on only  my paycheck, but also that we’d have to pay his insurance premium until he could go back to work.  I’m really hoping that it doesn’t come to that, but I also don’t want to pressure him into going back to work before he is ready.  Just another thing that we’ll have to see about.

Funny how you never appreciate being healthy until something happens.  

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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