Day 4, part 2


So I spoke with his social worker today during my lunch break. Two things that I gleaned from that conversation: 1) that he is still suicidal and they are concerned about him, and 2) that they know he’s still planning on killing himself after he’s discharged. The latter makes me more confident that he won’t be released within the week, like he said yesterday. At this point, they can keep him in as long as they need to – I do not want to go through another day like May 31 2012.

And so I continue to have mixed feelings about his whole situation. Mostly the feelings are of a bad nature (sad, hurt, worried, afraid, etc), but I am very glad that he’s not dead, and I’m glad that he’s addressing this problem instead of continuing to ignore it. I suppose I should say that I’m glad he’sgoing to be addressing this, since I’m sure that he’s still trying his hardest to ignore it. Why bother addressing your problems if you’re going to be dead soon?

Obviously I’m still very worried and hurt and lonely. I’m getting more accustomed to the probability that I’ll be living by myself for a while yet, though. I haven’t been crying as much (still some). I don’t feel hopelessly depressed, and I think I might be able to start cleaning the house and being productive without having to collapse under the sobs of missing him so much. Soon, anyway.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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