I’m having a hard time believing that it’s already Monday.  This weekend absolutely flew by and was by no means long enough.  Stephen wrote a composition for voice and strings/woodwinds/french horn, and the performance was yesterday – and practice on Saturday.  The concert was great and Stephen’s piece was the best.  His mom and sister drove up for it, and we all went to a Nashville Symphony performance in a park last night.  It was fun, but tiring.  I did not want to get out of bed this morning – which is really nothing new, but.

It’s Monday, and finally feeling like summer outside.  Summer is the most depressing season of the year to me – because I just struggle in hot weather to feel good.  Also, the sky tends to be pretty hazy for most of the summer; the crystal clear blue skies of spring, fall, and winter all seem to be sort of obscured during summer by a film.  Maybe that’s just my imagination…I don’t know.

But I’m bored and having to spend every free cent this month on renewing my car tags and paying the IRS, so I’m trying to think of some new things I can tackle without spending money.  Sorry to say that I need a break from making leather stuff.  I’m just tired of it.  I want to do it because I enjoy it, not because I feel like I have to do it.

So that said, one thing I need to do when I get home is clean the house.  Been gone all weekend and it needs some TLC.  I also need to start exercising, because if it does nothing else it at least makes me feel better and is free.

I’ve also been thinking about making a new quilt.  I still haven’t made that chess quilt…and it’ll happen at some point, but I want to make something different first.  I bought a couple yards of map fabric a few months ago and have been saving it for something good…maybe I’ll quilt with that.  I’m thinking that I should do something other than a typically-patterned quilt… but so far haven’t felt terribly inspired one way or the other.

Anyway, quilting.  That’s an option.  Also I’ve felt lately that I need to be doing more drawing and/or painting.  I sketch every now and then, but not regularly and not seriously.  I would be better at drawing and painting if I would actually practice drawing and painting.  Why is it that I enjoy doing both of those things, but I so infrequently do them???  I don’t know.  Probably has something to do with all the myriad of other things I let distract me.

I miss college sometimes because structure – while annoying and confining – can be so good for me.  Some days I can be good at going home and knocking stuff out after work…but some days are pretty much the complete opposite.  I guess it’s ok to have both types of days, but the days that I can check items off of my mental to-do list are days that make me feel better about myself.

THAT SAID, after work today I’m cleaning the house, doing some yoga, and either starting a new quilt or working on a new drawing.  There you have it.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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