Mother’s Day and Being a Birthmother

As with most of my blog posts, this is not going to be well thought-out.  It’s on my mind, so I’m trying to write to understand myself a little better.

But, Mother’s Day always makes me feel sort of conflicted.  I am a birth mother, which puts me in a subset of Motherhood – but one that is usually written off by other people as not being legitimate or worth remembering.  It puts me in a weird place, though, because while I don’t want to bring it up regularly and talk about it with everyone, it’s still VERY MUCH a part of my past and of who I am now — so I usually find myself, around Mother’s Day, feeling sort of left out.  Like I’m just asking for attention if I want to feel special on this day, and like I should just be able to let it go because I’m not a “real mother.”  (No one has actually said that to me – just my brain.)

I don’t know that I want any more than to just be accepted and known as a woman who bore a child for 9 months, has a bona fide birthing story, and who made the best decision that she could for her daughter.  I know, it’s easy to forget these things about me because I don’t talk about them often, and because Sarah has parents who love her and are not me.

Oh, I don’t know.  I just wish that I could bring this up more easily — without feeling like I’m asking for attention or sympathy.  I just want to tell you about my experience, and to let you know that even though I don’t understand what it’s like to raise children, I do know what it’s like to love and want the beautiful baby you just gave birth to.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

2 thoughts on “Mother’s Day and Being a Birthmother”

  1. You are courageous, worthy, and have every right to your feelings. Never be ashamed or afraid to share. Others may benefit from your words.

    Liked by 1 person

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