As with most of my blog posts, this is not going to be well thought-out. It’s on my mind, so I’m trying to write to understand myself a little better.
But, Mother’s Day always makes me feel sort of conflicted. I am a birth mother, which puts me in a subset of Motherhood – but one that is usually written off by other people as not being legitimate or worth remembering. It puts me in a weird place, though, because while I don’t want to bring it up regularly and talk about it with everyone, it’s still VERY MUCH a part of my past and of who I am now — so I usually find myself, around Mother’s Day, feeling sort of left out. Like I’m just asking for attention if I want to feel special on this day, and like I should just be able to let it go because I’m not a “real mother.” (No one has actually said that to me – just my brain.)
I don’t know that I want any more than to just be accepted and known as a woman who bore a child for 9 months, has a bona fide birthing story, and who made the best decision that she could for her daughter. I know, it’s easy to forget these things about me because I don’t talk about them often, and because Sarah has parents who love her and are not me.
Oh, I don’t know. I just wish that I could bring this up more easily — without feeling like I’m asking for attention or sympathy. I just want to tell you about my experience, and to let you know that even though I don’t understand what it’s like to raise children, I do know what it’s like to love and want the beautiful baby you just gave birth to.