rant in which I do not want or mean to hurt any feelings whatsoever

If having kids is so great, why is so much of what I hear about it negative, or indifferent?  This includes talking to friends, overhearing conversations, reading stuff online, etc.  (I realize that most of my friends don’t have kids.  But still.)  I don’t have the desire to recreate myself – I think narcissism is a terrible reason to reproduce anyway.  I like being able to spend money on things that I want, instead of on tacky toys and clothing that will be outgrown in a few months.  I like having free time, and getting 8 hours of sleep, and being able to drink wine with dinner without feeling neglectful or irresponsible.

Seems to me that the biggest argument for having children (aside from biological urges which are not based in logic but in our innate need to preserve the species…at least by procreating, if not by keeping our habitat livable…which one is more important here?) is that you’re more likely to have people who’ll take care of you as you age.  Also it’s nice to have family, but I know I’ll have nieces/nephews so that’s not a huge concern – family is family, whether they come out of my vagina or someone else’s.

My question is…….are having children actually worth it?  I mean, you don’t hear the bards sing praises of raising kids like you hear them sing about falling in love.  Or do you, and I’m listening to the wrong music?

Really I’m feeling snarky about everything right now because one of my customers just called and basically told me that I’m doing my job wrong, when her coworker very clearly ordered (as in, read me the manufacturer’s number) the item she accused me of fucking up today.  So that made me want to throw mini bouncy-balls at her.  And the lady who sits in the adjacent cube was just talking about her most recently trip to the mall with her teen-aged daughter.  Both of these combined to make me decide that having children makes absolutely no sense at all unless you want them to take care of you in your old age (a safer route would seem to be a retirement fund), or if you just get off on having “mini-me’s” running around and feeling important in the world you’ve created in which you ARE important.

Anyway, I need to chill out now.  Rant is over.

EDIT: I had published this a couple of days ago but took it down because I felt like it was unnecessarily bitter. But two people have shared it so I figured I’d put it back up. Comments are welcome, and do know that I’m not feeling bitter about the subject at the moment! Sometimes I think I’d like having kids, sometimes I don’t. So when I have mixed feelings about something, my instinct is to analyze both sides logically – which is what the entry basically amounts to.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

One thought on “rant in which I do not want or mean to hurt any feelings whatsoever”

  1. At one place I worked, all the employees were give a star-shaped foam toy as some sort of acknowledgement or awareness campaign by the sales department, and we started throwing them at each other. I used to throw them as hard as I could to startle people, figuring since they were foam, it was okay. Unfortunately, I eventually accidentally hit someone in the eye with one of the arms of the star, and I was like “Oh no, she’s going to get a black eye…” But apparently she ended up okay, after being incapacitated for awhile. Yeah, bouncy balls are safer.

    I think narcissism is a great reason to have kids. Supposedly, one of the traits of narcissists is that they lack empathy; they just want admiration above all else. Their kids are like ornaments; they want them to achieve impressive things, but not so impressive that they distract from their parents’ glory. So they gotta get an “A” on everything (not an A- or A+).

    To prevent feeling neglectful, you just get your husband to hold the kids while you’re drinking wine. Anyway, I think people tend to talk about what’s wrong in their lives rather than the stuff they quietly enjoy, so maybe that’s why we hear so much negative stuff about kids. They’re focusing on problems because it’s what their mind is focused on solving. But if they didn’t have kids, that would be another problem they’d be trying to solve, as evidenced by all the people who are like “Wah, I’m x years old and don’t have any kids!”


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