some wednesday morning thoughts…..

this morning is absolutely gorgeous and is making me pine for autumn, and road trips, camping trips, hiking trips.  I can’t wait for the colorful, crunchy leaves and the crisp air – even though they will make me hate going to work even more than I did this morning.  something about fall makes me feel alive and energized and hopeful.  this morning, even though there is only a hint of fall in the air, I’m feeling those things.  it’s awfully nice.

last night, I watched Dead Poets Society with Stephen.  hadn’t seen this movie in years.  it was more poignant than I remember it being, but that’s because I can relate to it on a deeper level now.  you know, people complain about getting older, but I am loving the fact that the older I get, the more I can appreciate and understand life (and embrace not understanding, too).  I found myself wanting to cry several times throughout the movie, but the scene that choked me up the most was when Neil’s parents find his body in the study.  brought back painful memories, and reminded me of pain that is still very much present.  

that said, I’m happy this morning.  it’s such a good feeling.  I’m being reminded of how it feels to be liked for who I am (or at least, for my most apparent qualities — ha), and that – coupled with these reminders of the fragility of life – is making me feel alive and hopeful.  not that I don’t typically feel alive and at least a bit hopeful…but, uh, you know.  I’m not going to delve into it too much.

also I’m still relieved from talking with my boss yesterday.  SOO relieved.  

anyway, ought to work now.  


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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

3 thoughts on “some wednesday morning thoughts…..”

  1. Dead Poets Society is one of my favorites. But b/c of the scene with Neil I don’t want to watch it right now. Still too painful.
    I’m glad you’re happy and hopeful. That’s a great place to be. 🙂
    When fall gets here let me know when you want to go on a hike or camping. I would love to go!


    1. Oh I hear you — I didn’t watch it after Matt died on purpose. Not fun. But we should for sure get together for hiking or camping this fall!! I can’t wait for the weather to change….


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