reminiscing, briefly

I was just thinking about two specific times I remember seeing something and thinking – “I want to be like that,” and then consciously trying to emulate that behavior.

The first time was when I was reading a Jeanette Oak book waaaay back…um, when would that have been? I think we were living on Walker Road then, so I was 10 or 12? I have no idea. It was 15-20 years ago (that’s weird to say). As I remember it, the protagonist was attending school, and she and her roommate had just received grades for a test or class or something. The protagonist was bragging about how she’d gotten a good grade – almost perfect, and her roommate congratulated her and was very encouraging about it all. The roommate left at some point, and the protagonist saw the roommate’s test score – it was perfect. She was struck with how boastful she had been, and how humble and kind her roommate was. I remember thinking that I really wanted to be like the roommate.

The second instance was in high school I think, and we were all at the church building on a Friday. A bunch of the moms were sitting outside under the awning, and Dad was around doing some work. Another mom showed up and there were no more chairs outside; Dad noticed all of this, and went inside and brought her a chair without calling attention to himself at all. Now, I realize Dad does this kind of thing all the time, but for whatever reason I really remember it this time, and I remember thinking that I want to be the kind of person who notices things like that and does them without being asked.

Obviously I have not achieved these goals yet, heh, but I just thought I’d write them out because it’s interesting to me that I have such clear memories of them.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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