wandering mind….

I can’t keep my mind from wandering to Matt today – even while I’m at work. Today’s Ryan’s birthday, and I keep remembering how we drove to White Bluff last year with some beer and a lemon cake that I had made him, and maybe Nate Hunter (or maybe that was a different time?). Come to think of it, Matt had an ECT treatment that day and ended up feeling horrible by the end of the day.

I don’t want to be thinking about all of this. I’d rather be able to focus on this National Geographic article that I’m trying to read.

Had a pretty good weekend, though I don’t feel up for going into all the details. Friday evening, I drove to Spring Hill to hang out with Katie (probably the best decision I made all weekend 🙂 ). I spent the night and drove back Saturday morning, got breakfast at Wendell Smith’s, and spent pretty much the rest of the day at home relaxing. I did the same thing on Sunday except that I met my cousin Laura and her girlfriend for dinner – which was also nice. Overall, relaxing, low-stress weekend. I could have exerted myself socially more than I did, but it felt nice to just relax at home (in a clean house).

I took Lucille 2 to the vet this morning to get her spayed; also though, she had developed some kind of ear problem – not sure if it’s mites or an infection or what. I hope she does OK. She was so pitiful all weekend – I could tell she just felt awful because her ears were bothering her a lot. Poor little sweet kitty. Why couldn’t Lucille 1 be the sick cat? I’m taking her to be spayed next week.

Oh by the way. I’m 99% sure that I’m going to take a good chunk of Matt’s life insurance money and pay off my student loans and my car loan. This will free up over $500/month for me, which will be a BIG CHANGE in regards to my spending cash. I actually might be able to start saving again if I pay off those loans – though I haven’t worked out my budget yet. I’m getting up the nerve to write myself an $11,000 check (surprisingly, I only owe about $6,000 for my student loans and $4,000 for my car – because obviously everyone wants to know how much I’m in debt. Next post I’ll drop my SSN and license plate numbers.)

But that seems like a smart idea. I’ll still have some savings, but I won’t have to use it anymore. And I might be able to renew my lease another year – I really like my house and I really don’t want to move. If anyone has any thoughts they should weigh in.

As long as I’m being scattered (as usual), here’s something that happened the other day. I walked into Costco for whatever reason (probably flowers…), and there was a 20-something guy in the front trying to sell DirecTV. I was in a talkative mood (for me) and we started chatting about internet and cable and the like. The guy kept asking questions like, “Who do you guys have for cable?” and “What kind of TV do you guys have?” I’m not wearing a wedding ring. I was by myself. I have no idea why he assumed that I was a “we” except maybe because of my age. It was really odd.

Anyway. I think that’s it for now.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

4 thoughts on “wandering mind….”

  1. Awe, your visit was definitely the best part of my weekend! Poor Lucille 2! It’s horrible when animals and babies are sick- they ARE pitiful….

    Ha, you made me laugh with your funny jokes! You know my opinion though.


  2. The idea of paying off student loans is fantastical, to me, like catching a cloud and pinning it down, or solving a problem like Maria. Wow. I have no opinion. But it sounds smart.


  3. Erin, the guy at the cable booth at Costco was flirting with you, pretty sure of it. Maybe he wanted you to say, “Uh, it’s ME, not US”..sounds like he was fishing…. You may be out of practice on recognizing this move… You ARE lovely and why wouldn’t a guy fish for info? I know that’s likely the farthest thing from your mind…but that’s the first thing I thought of is…he wanted to hear confirmation of a “plural” or denial


    1. I think you’re right, because I went back last week and he was there AND recognized me. 🙂 I was on my lunch break so didn’t have too much time to flirt back……but maybe I should next time…. 🙂


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