I hate not being able to do anything to fix this or make it better. It’s like all I can do is sit here and soak it all in, and it’s not fun.

I’ve been drawing pictures of Matt. I don’t know if it’s beneficial or just making me more inclined to start crying, but I guess I’m “enjoying” it because I keep doing it. I miss his face so much. Oh my god.

I just want the days to pass quickly so that maybe a better time will come, but the time is going so slowly. I always wanted time to slow down when Matt and I were together because I never got tired of being around him, but it flew by then. I guess I’ll look back on the happy memories fondly at some point, but now they just make my whole body ache. I’m trying not to feel hopeless but some hours are harder than others.

I miss my other half like I had some limbs amputated. It’s so, so wrong and it hurts.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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