Well, it’s finally Friday.  Also, it’s finally after noon.  I can now say that I’m counting down the hours until the weekend…just over 3.5 to go.

I have not been as productive with leather as I wanted to be this week; I am close to being finished with the custom request i have from like a month ago, but still need to stop at Michael’s for some things this weekend.  Provided that I don’t get too caught up doing other things this weekend, I need to finish the bag and then start trying to stock up my shop again.  I swear, every time I feel good about the amount of items I have listed, they sell and I’m left with like 3 or 4 again.  Guh.  I mean it’s not a bad problem, and I’m not exactly complaining.  Just saying.

So, there’s that.  Also the weather has been cooler this last week, and it’s reminding me that autumn is not a pipe dream but is in fact an eventuality, and soon the trees will be turning colors and the air will be crisp and sometimes nippy, and all will be good.  I do not want to squander a single autumn weekend inside.  We recently (as in last week) purchased a 2-person tent which cuts down on excuses for not taking weekend camping trips.  I’m envisioning lots and lots of camping this fall.  Oh I do SO love the fall, and being outside to enjoy it.  Mm.  I’m getting excited just typing all of this — and it’s still mid-August, my Least Favorite Month.

Speaking of it being mid-August, Matt’s birthday is tomorrow.  And he would be 31, which seems like so much older than he was when he died.  Today is two years and six months since he died, which…which I have thoughts about.  Three years ago would have been the last time we celebrated his birthday (me and him, I mean), and it was a very bittersweet celebration.  I was so afraid that whole year.  I felt like something terrible was always below the surface, and I strongly suspected that it would not lie low forever and that there would be nothing I could do about it when it did rise above the surface.  And I was right, of course.  As awful as that year was, there were so many bright spots.  It’s hard to wrap my head around.

Life, man.  What can you even say.  Nothing that hasn’t been said a million times and in a million different ways already.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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