Woke up from dreaming about Matt to my alarm clock this morning. It was a weird dream and I can’t remember all the details. Mostly what I remember is that normally I can choose to not remember Matt’s skin and how it felt to touch him, but apparently I don’t have that discretionary power in my dreams. Because I remember all that clear as day right now.

I was feeling OK, though, until I went to Matt’s FB page just now.

It’s frustrating that I can feel OK and stable and excited about something — and then BAM! something will remind me of Matt and I’ll want to melt into a puddle.

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

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