I keep meaning to journal more but forget to carry a journal around – so when my domain name renewed again this year I remembered I have this blog. Not as much fun to write in, but still scratches that itch.
I think when Covid happened, I started drinking too much. I know I’m not alone there. But I’m going to be 40 years old in a few months and I want to start acting like it. Not to say that I don’t enjoy cocktails and wine or that I want to swear them off entirely. I just really want to make them special occasion indulgences. I don’t want to drink any more in the middle of the week, or even much on the weekend. Maybe a cocktail on Friday but if I can’t limit it to that, maybe abstain totally except for fancy dinners out or parties.
The reason I wanted to do this is mainly because I need to be healthier as I’m turning 40 and getting older. I’m starting to think about aging more, as I’m noticing my face change and my hair change and my body change. I’ve mostly stopped smoking which is really great, but now I need to mostly stop drinking too. In reading about how alcohol affects your mind and body, I know that I am using it as a crutch and that it’s causing me to feel less happiness if I’m not drinking – but abstinence can heal that. It’s also causing me to really have a harder time focusing, and my reading comprehension is not what I would like it to be either – mainly because I can’t focus. I want to change these things.
As aging is more and more on my mind, I need to stop using alcohol to distract myself from it and make myself feel temporarily better. Aging isn’t bad, after all. And I think my avoidance is creating dread. Aging isn’t bad. One of the only IG reels I’m actually glad to have to seen is a woman in her 50’s responding to a younger woman to tell her that aging is a gift. And I know I’ve heard that sentiment before but it made me thankful. Aging IS a gift. (Not to go into that analogy too deeply – can’t say who the gift is from but it feels more meaningful than saying it’s luck.) (Maybe a gift from yourself.)
So anyway, I think my goals this week are
- No alcohol at all
- Menu planning and stick to it
- Prep lunches the night before going to the office
- Mow the lawn
- Clean the house, including mirror trays and dusting
- Find an interesting non-fiction book to read, and read a little bit every day to work on focusing
No Promises This Time 