I should probably try to avoid blogging on Mondays – regardless of how good or bad my weekend was, I can usually come up with something to say when there’s a choice between blogging and working. Terrible, terrible habit.

This weekend was pretty great though, which makes the temptation to write much harder to ignore. However, I’m going to keep this brief since thinking about how I should be selling toilet paper instead of writing is making me feel guilty.

Friday was great — went to the Frist mostly for music (Marty Stuart was playing Frist Friday) but enjoyed what we were able to see of the exhibits too. Did you guys know that there’s an illustrated version of Elements of Style? I’m posting since I doubt that I’ll be buying more copies to use as Christmas presents this year, even though that would be a good idea. (I swear there’s a prettier way to add a link here. http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Illustrated-William-Strunk/dp/0143112724)

elements of style

Anyway. Not going to blab too much about it.

Saturday’s wedding was hot but enjoyable – you know, as far as weddings go. As I predicted, I knew about 3 people there (not including the bride and groom), but despite or because of that, I had a pretty good time. Highlights: the processional (is that what you call it?) was to the theme from Legend of Zelda, and Chris presented Chaz (best man) with a Zelda sword after he reached the “alter.” Very appropriate.

Planning to make some Indian food for dinner tomorrow and am relatively excited as I haven’t made naan in, like, two years. God damn that’s a long time. You know how I was always complaining about how I wanted last year to be over? I’m definitely glad that it is, and am in a much better place now, but it’s strange to think that a whole year of my life was spent that way – just longing for the hurting to stop, basically. I know that I didn’t waste last year and that living through it was really important to being able to live beyond it, but when I have to say things like “I haven’t made naan in two years,” I guess a part of me feels like I DID waste all of 2013.

Hm. Well. Anyway.

PS: I don’t mind throwing thoughts out into the void of the internet, but I really wish I knew who was reading them. (for all I know, there are about 5 or 6 of you who read semi-regularly.)

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I'm a young, childless widow who is trying to figure out the best way to deal with the world in light of my late husband's suicide. It's harder than I ever imagined it would be, but somehow at the same time I am still alive and even happy sometimes.

10 thoughts on “”

  1. I have felt the same way, like I’m waiting for this year to be over so I can move on. I’m trying to not feel like I’m wasting my time but regardless of the things I do with my time the hurt is still there. You can’t rush it, I guess, but it would be nice to know when the intense part of the hurting will be over.


    1. Yeah, you can’t rush it, and it feels like it’s going to last for fucking ever. But thinking about life without Matt used to make me want to die. Now I’m OK with it — but because I have to be, because it’s what is. The intensity for me varied but after about 9 months I felt like I was semi-stable emotionally anyway. Now when I reflect on how far away I am from my life with Matt, it does not make me want to break down sobbing, and I’m thankful.


  2. I read every entry…but not necessarily right after they’ve been posted…and I wish I could have witnessed the Zelda-themed wedding!


  3. Hey Erin,

    I pop in here about once a month. When you see footprints from Colombia, those are mine. Hope you don’t mind. I think you’re beautiful and very brave.

    Katie Jacoby (Anna Laura’s friend)


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